The [Ninja Turtles] henchmen Bebop and Rocksteady have hijacked the musical genres for us just like the Lone Ranger hijacked the William Tell Overture for our parents.

- xkcd

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Driving With the Idiots

So ... the inevitable "other drivers are idiots" post. How do we address this otherwise overdone issue? Easy, by introducing some excitement and differentness into it!

"But dEn," you say, "what new is there to add about drivers being idiots? We all know they are!"

And quite right you are. Every driver but you is an idiot, that is scientific fact. Although I do often yell to other drivers "Sorry, my bad! I'm an idiot!" you probably do not.

Last night though I had a fun encounter with dumb drivers. Not the exciting dangerous kind. Not the mean I'm going to cut you off kind. Not even the oblivious I can't read the No Turn On Red kind. No, these guys were honestly just slightly stupid.

The trouble began as I tried to go up to Hollywood Video to drop off a DVD I'd rented the previous weekend (spending seven hours in a theater wasn't enough movie watching for one weekend). To get there, you have to make a left turn on a pretty busy road. Luckily there's a left turn arrow there so you're going to get a chance to turn. Unfortunately it's one of those You Can Only Turn Left When the Arrow Is Green intersections. But nicely, the turn arrow comes on at both the beginning and the end of the green light at the intersection.

So as I get near the left turn lane I notice that pretty much everyone is lined up too far to the left on this part of road--they're all the way over on the yellow diagonal stripes. Well, everyone except this truck which stopped a ways back from the light in the place where the turn lane actually is and behind the last car that's actually there.

Applauding his ability to actually go to the correct place in the lane, I pull up behind him. As I do so, several more cars pull up behind me. However, they also keep lining up to my left, on the part of the road that isn't actually the turn lane.

As we sit there waiting for the light to change to a turn signal, I realize that turning is going to be kind of ridiculous once everyone realizes that there's only one lane to turn into. "Oh well," I think to myself, "We'll figure it out when it's time to turn."

Continue reading the harrowing experience

But as we're sitting there I notice that the light changes to red without our getting the end of the green light turn arrow. Thinking that maybe it was some sort of fluke, I start re-evaluating how well I actually know the turn signal system.

After waiting for the crossroad's light changes to red though, I'm surprised to see that we again don't get a green turn arrow.

That's when the realization that we only get the turn arrow when someone is on the left turn sensor--which most of the traffic is lined up right beside. There isn't a good way for me to get up there though with the truck in front of me parked that far back and all the cars lined up to the left. Plus there's a fair amount of traffic on my right, making pulling around to the right a difficult proposition.

I honk at the truck hoping he'll pull up. He just kind of looks at me like I'm a jackass. By this time though, the light's changed back to red--again not giving us the bonus end left turn arrow. People in the left turn lane are beginning to think that the light is broken and are making turns through the red arrow.

Knowing that I could end up sitting there for hours at this rate, I manage to dart between the slowing traffic on the right and pass the pickup in front of me and then pull back into the left turn lane. The truck that I passed is obviously annoyed at me and pulls up and gets right on my ass. He clearly thinks I'm doing this to be a jerk.

Finally though, thanks to my amazing driving skills, the next time the light changes we get a turn arrow.

Ahhh, but what about the two lanes trying to turn into one lane issue from before? Well, since I'd cut to the front of the line, it was no longer my problem. I quickly dart around the idiot to the left and successfully manage to return my movie.

Still, it makes me wonder how long those guys would have been sitting there without my keen awareness of how left turn signals work (you have to be on the sensor ...). I'd like to think that this is because I'm sort of driving genius but sadly, I think the more likely answer is that every other driver is an idiot.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Another Burrito Sighting

Although not as amazing as the one consumed by Fulsome Q. McEmpty-Stomach, it appears as though another burrito was causing a ruckus earlier this year.

From the article:
In the meantime, more than 30 parents, alerted by a radio report, descended on the school. Visibly shaken, they gathered around in a semicircle, straining their necks, awaiting news.

"There needs to be security before the kids walk through the door," said Heather Black, whose son attends the school.

Adding--off the record, "I don't want my kids coming in contact with giant burritos. What if they come home, see the size of my burrito and begin to feel it is inadequate."

And it is understandable why she'd feel that way. From the description in the report, it sounds delicious:
The drama ended two hours later when the suspicious item was identified as a 30-inch burrito filled with steak, guacamole, lettuce, salsa and jalapeños and wrapped inside tin foil and a white T-shirt.
When the burrito smuggling perpetrator (a dangerous 8th greater with an intense hunger for Mexican food) was later questioned about why the burrito needed to where a t-shirt, he simply responded by pointing towards the "GLOOOOOOOOOOOB" and "What Hath The Snacking Gods Wrought" on the t-shirt. The t-shirt also included a link to some sort of extremist website called "3Bulls" which as of this writing none of our linguists have yet been able to decipher.

Fortunately this tale ends in a positive way:
"The police saw it and everyone just started laughing. It was a laughter of relief," Morrissey said.

"Oh, and I have a new nickname now. It's Burrito Boy."
No further burrito related incidents have been reported.

More Movies Seen

This past weekend I took the opportunity to waste 7 hours of my life sitting in darkened rooms with complete strangers staring at a giant glowing screen. It was friggin' sweet!

The movie marathon (which I guess is training for the Butt-Numb-A-Thon that AICN does every year) was a good time and filled with quality movies.

Movie 1: Talladega Nights

This was actually the second time I'd seen this movie. The first time I was a little disappointed. I think I was expecting something as good as Anchorman and that certainly isn't what this movie is. It plays it a little too straight some places. Still, coming in with different expectations the second time made me watch the movie completely differently and I think I actually enjoyed it more.

There are scenes that are great to see in a group with people who haven't seen it before. Something that I think would be lost on repeat solo viewings. There are a number of jokes a parts that don't get old.

Still, if you've seen the previews (and how could you not have ... even if you don't watch TV they were kind of all over) you'll know what the movie's about and could probably predict most of what happens. If you don't think it's going to be a good movie knowing that, you'd probably be better off staying away.

Movie 2: Beerfest

I have to admit that I'm a Broken Lizard fan. I enjoyed Super Troopers a lot and me and Ful were 2 out of 73 people who saw that movie in theaters. We then proceeded to recommend it to all of our friends--Single-handedly increasing the total number people who saw the movie by at least 5.

When Club Dread came out the next year I was unfortunately not able to see it. I was out of the country when it came out. I saw how quickly it bombed though and the Magic 8-Ball pointed towards Broken Lizard going down in flames.

With Beerfest though, there's a good return to form. While not the amazingly great premise of Super Troopers, it's still a nice concept: underground beerlympics that consist of beer games and drinking contests + gratuitous nudity (and yes ... it is quite gratuitous and not male).

The laughs come pretty frequently and anyone who's played drinking games will appreciate the comedy. What's also nice is that it's not just the Broken Lizard guys who are funny. The German team that they challenge in the film is quite funny as well. Although to be honest, I think you'll need to watch Das Boot before you see it to catch some of the jokes (Jurgen Prochnow is in the movie as a German baron thus the Das Boot references).

It's a light but satisfying comedy that is slightly more manic than the other comedies that have come out recently. The ultimate day may be when you're playing Beerfest drinking games ... at home ... by yourself ... and losing. Go see it in the theaters so that the next Broken Lizard movie gets made!

Movie 3: Little Miss Sunshine

The sequel to the wonderful Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind An ensemble comedy with Greg Kinnear, Steve Carrell, Tori Spelling Toni Colette, and Alan Arkin as a road trip trying to get a family's young girl to a beauty contest in California via VW bus.

Like all VW buses, it has mechanical trouble on its way and all sorts of situational hijinks ensue. The movie feels indie all the way. The quirky people and life lessons learned. At times it can be a little too much.

The whole time though, there's something about the characters that feels real and helps bring what could be a cookie cutter indie comedy into something that is much more compelling.

It's definitely worth seeing if you want a movie that you can tell your friends you went to see without having them doubt your movie watching cred.

I'd also like to thank my GF for willingly sitting through all these movies with me. Who else would think that spending an entire afternoon/evening going from theater to theater would be a good time (well besides Chuckles).

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Food for Fulsome

After the wonderful iBeef post, I thought the only acceptable way to follow up is with some deets on a new fish and chips restaurant near where I live in Old Town, Alexandria. The place is called Eamonn's and unfortunately seems to be an Irish chippie (the shamrock on it was clue enough).

The restaurant that used to be in the location was a Scottish pub called Scotland Yard but it's been closed for a couple years. Finally though, there's a new restaurant there and it looks to be interesting.

I found this post about it here and here that makes it sound interesting. I haven't had a chance to eat there yet but if the menu to the right is accurate it looks to be pretty authentic.

Mmmm ... fried Milky Ways ....

Chuckles, it looks like it's time to give Fulsome a case of food envy ...

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Gruntwork pays off: behold the iBeef

As most of you probably know. I have seemingly been relegated to Pinko Punko's not terribly efficient go-fer. Our conversations, both via e-mail and in real life, often consist of something like:

PP: "Hey, whatcha doing?"
F: "This or that."
PP: "I heard of this cool thing."
F: "Oh?"
PP: "Yea, it's XXXXX"
in this particular instance, it is the legend of a Chicago style Italian Beefery in the greater Bay/Yay area
F: "You're right, that sounds neat."
PP: "We should totally check it out."
F: with great enthusiasm"Wow, you're right."

days, more likely weeks, go by

F: "Hey, whatever happened to XXXXX."
PP: "It is cool but it is ______" - the options here to date are [note: I am not claiming this is a closed (or complete) set]: a) too far, b) costs money c) occurs on a non-Saturday d) conflicts with dog poop schedule e) does not involve a stunning red track suit.

So now that we've got the preliminary snark out of the way, read the rest if you want to see details of the iBeef

Gumbah's does live up to it's claim. It is an unabashedly Chicagoan restaurant. In fact it could probably be considered a gratuitously Chicago style restaurant if it weren't for the semi-retired owner who sits inside and makes chit-chat and clearly takes pride in the Chicago feel.

photo 1: Let's set the scene. I described it as "Bulls jerseys from when they were great, Bears jerseys from when they were good, Blackhawk jersey (singular), Sox jerseys from when they were bad, and Cubs jerseys that represent their everlasting failure.

photo 2: Behold the juicy, greasy, and unquestionably delicious iBeef. The bread is a solid match. It is thick and chewy to absorb a solid quantity of juice and yet allow me the minimally sufficient time required to ingest the sandwich. The only possible flaw is the quality of roast beef. It is high quality roast beef with nary a hint of fat or gristle, and for anyone who's eaten their share of Italian Beef sandwiches, this can come as a little bit of a shock.

Overall, the sandwich in this iteration deserves an 8+ (out of 10). I think the addition of Polish sausage to this sandwich or, alternately, the use of crunchy hot peppers instead of the sweet peppers could bump this sandwich to at least a 9. Unfortunately, we had already been treated to lunch at the meeting so I was unable to follow up with the appropriate gusto.

The owner assured me they are open most Saturdays and has previously supplied his phone number so we can call that day and ensure we won't end up disappointed in Vallejo. I believe that this eatery is worth another visit and I am already working on how to arrange additional work-related functions that require my presence.

Addendum (Jonah Goldberg style): There may be an instance from this very week wherein PP did initiate and agree to participating in an activity. I then proceed to ignore his entreaties to make this a reality and then laughed mercilessly when it was unable to come about. However, I don't think that in any way changes the truth of my larger point.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Obligatory Internet Movie Seen

Also, last Friday I went to go see the joke that everyone's sick of, Snakes on a Plane. I honestly have to say that it was ridiculously good/bad in all the right ways. It starts off a little to slow but there are some fun parts. And it's so ridiculous it's gold.

Plus, since it only made $15 mil the first week, it could actually be a legitimate cult movie. You don't have to feel bad liking a movie "because everyone else did" because most people didn't actually see it.

I will further expand on this by giving you a brief list of more reasons to see it:
  1. It has David Koechner as possibly the best character in it
  2. People are getting attacked by snakes for about 45 minutes straight
  3. Awesome non-snake related deaths
  4. It also has Kenan Thompson
  5. The acting is so amazing that you will weep from the amazing drama. AMAZING.
  6. An end so terrifying you couldn't possibly fathom. Your head will EXPLODE. It is that X-TREME
  7. Amazing allegory to lasting world problems will keep it relevant for years to come
  8. The perfect date movie. I took my GF and she loved it!

Science is Scary

I was reading a story on Newsweek today about the possibility of getting stem cells from an embryo without destroying it (article) .

It's not all peaches and cream though. Because we quickly get back into the DANGER ZONE.

Quoth the article:
But other researchers disagree, saying that the removal of the blastomere poses unknown risks to the embryo and in turn, to the life of the child, should the embryo be implanted and continue developing to birth. “The embryo is constituted so that it heals itself, but all healing has an effect,” says William Hurlbut, a Stanford University professor and member of the President’s Council on Bioethics who has proposed alternative methods for generating stem cells without destroying embryos. “It might be serious effects, it might be minor changes it might be nothing. We just don’t know.”
Then you've also got these other dudes saying stuff like this as well:
But others in the field, as well as conservative religious groups, say that the technique, though innovative, might raise “more ethical questions than it answers.” Richard Doerflinger, deputy director of pro-life activities at the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, says Lanza’s methods are unacceptable for several reasons, including the fact that the experiments leading to his recent advance—although done to develop a technique that would preserve embryos—actually destroyed embryos in the process.
Now I'm not Mr. Biology, that falls on fulsome's shoulders. I do know how to lose an argument though. Luckily I'm not going to debate on anything here. I'm just throwing it out there for you guys.

It just seems like we're totally screwed when it comes to actually doing anything with stem cells. No matter what way you try to avoid some sort of crazy controversy, it always ends up coming back. We might as well give up and all just go back to driving around in our giant Oscar Meyer Weinermobiles. "What does that have to do with stem cells?" you ask. Absolutely nothing and that's the point.

Monday, August 21, 2006

For those of us that missed the show, NPR got our back

If you would like to download the recent show of The Fiery Furnaces and Man Man, it is available for download here. I wanted to go but my assault on Boston shredded my schedule. Plus, the 930 club sucks. No ambience and concrete everywhere like a Communist architectural convention.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Just so we are clear

My genius can not be contained by a single blog. Go! SEEK!

There are at least three contributors to Reviews N' Stuff. I only claim ownership of my posts. And probably not even the bad ones.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

The Whole Pluto Controversy

Really, it is always best to go straight to the source for this information.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

It's Like 2001 But With Popsicles

Not much else to say besides that really. If I were more clever I could make some sort of analogy comparing this to some recent world event. Unfortunately I'm drawn to it simply because those squirrel monkeys look like they could kick ass and take names.

They're almost like little ninja-monkeys. Which as we all know, are friggin' sweet!

Needs More Vibraslap

While I may not have spent a weekend at the bacchanalia that is Lollapalooza, I did recently attend one of those mythical 'rock concerts.' By recently I would mean last night. To further clarify, I attended to the Foo Fighters acoustic show at Constitution Hall in Washington, DC.

And I have to say that it was a phenomenal show. I like Foo Fighters, but I'm not a big enough fan to actually own any of their CDs. Still, you have to appreciate shows where you go to see the band and they're clearly 'musicians' and not a bunch of chumps up there trying to become famous or impress you with their emo-ness.

That was really the case last night. Performing the with some added musicians (an extra guitarist, a piano/organ/accordian player, an extra percussionist, and a violin) they really filled out the stage and put on an excellent if slightly lower key show. The fact that they spent most of the show playing seated really helped remove the expectations of some of the crazy rock shenanigans you might expect to see at a show. Instead, what we were treated to was a pretty chill event where the musicians performed a tight set that they obviously hadn't gotten tired of playing yet.

And truly, that may have been one of the better aspects of the show. When you go see a group that's as successful as the Foo Fighters, many times the show feels like a retread. And even if things to make it feel as if it's not, there can be an old hat-ness to the performance because it's been done by so many times before. In this case though, they were performing what was maybe their 10th show as group, and there is lots of ground that hasn't been covered yet. Dave Grohl would talk for a little bit between songs sometimes, giving stories and just having what seemed like a nice conversation with the audience. In all, a very enjoyable chemistry between the different members and the audience as a whole. Of course it probably helps that he's from the Northern Virginia area and being back is kind of like 'coming home.'

I could try to go through the set list but I don't really see the point. It was half new stuff (off their acoustic record from last year) and half older songs adapted to the new members/acoustic sound. They all sounded good and unlike some other shows I've seen, the vocals were spot on and well done.

If you get a chance, I'd definitely recommend checking out this tour as it makes its way around.

Also, this is for Fulsome, since he probably wouldn't check it out if it wasn't 'indie' enough:
  • The violinist for the show was Petra Haden, who is in the group that dog (an old favorite of Fulsome's after he saw them touring with Weezer back in the day)
  • The opening act for the show is Frank Black and we know Fulsome hearts the Pixies
  • The percussionist used a vibraslap. That's right, vibraslap. Better yet, when heckled for more cowbell by the audience, his only response, "I don't have a cowbell." Nothing says indie cred like random percussion instruments.


Some of us may have gone to several days of music festivals in the last month and may also be refusing to write about them, but for the rest of us, there is the internet. While the availability of free music pales in comparison to the free files of ill repute, there is still plenty of quality out there.

I first heard The Mountain Goats after I downloaded two songs from You ain't no Picasso (Note the new address, site admins). The song title of Cubs in SixFive sold them to me. I may despise baseball, but baseball jokes are still funny. Regardless of the lamitude of professional sports, The Mountain Goats mp3s are available for download here, but Cubs in SixFive is not. You will have to wade through a month of YANP for that. I have already documented my disdain for music reviews and I'll just say that Cubs in Six is worth a listen or five.

also has free music for download and you should check them out. I like them and I'm a freaking genius, so you should listen to my opinion.

The Mountain Goats are playing the Black Cat on Thursday Sept 28. That is going to be a busy week with the Architecture in Helsinki show on Monday.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006


DO I FUCKING LOOK LIKE I AM MCSE CERTIFIED? Shit, just because I can tell my balls from my mouse does not mean I have any fucking clue why shit isn't working right!


Monday, August 14, 2006

BMW, My Grandma Thanks You

Thanks to the wonderful remake of the Italian Job and people who enjoy driving around in tiny cars, I'm sure that most of us have seen our fair share of Mini Coopers (a subsidiary of BMW).

Luckily, they've decided that we've been suffering the current design long enough so they just released pictures of the new design, shown below.

What? It looks exactly the same you say? That's just what BMW wants you to think. They've actually changed every single body panel, completely redesigned the interior and updated the engine.

Check out the old vs. new side by side below and see if you can spot the differences!

Perhaps the best improvement in the whole design though, is the new patented GINORMOUS speedometer. Tired of complaints by 90 year old women that the speedometer was not the size of hanging scales in the produce section of your local grocery store, the new Mini features a Flava Flav inspired center speedometer to make sure you never forget how fast you're going again.

For a comparison of the old, and obviously too small speedometer, check out the picture below.

And all this new attractiveness can be yours for a mere £12,995.


Also, please note that those are the radio controls in the speedometer ... radio + how fast am I going? = synergy!

Sunday, August 13, 2006

O Dear Heavenly and Unmericful God, why has thou forsaken us?

Seriously. Why? Why God? Why?

I pray that I will die quickly and painfully.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Food Coma of Epic Proportions

Well, that's as good an excuse as any that I can think of.

Besides, I have this to back it up.

Friday Is "Visit More Blogs Than Usual" Day

As usual, much of my Friday is spent trying to simply make it through the day. One of the tools that makes that both simultaneously easier and harder is the internet(s). Usually the goal is to find something funny that I didn't know existed before and think about how clever I was for finding it all weekend long.

I haven't had that much luck so far today. I did find a link to DCist and an interview with two guys from Broken Lizard at the Brickskeller on Monday. They also provided a link to the Stephen Colbert's On Notice Board Generator.

Still, I haven't found anything great yet today. I've still got a couple hours left at work though, so we'll have to see how it goes. If I find anything good, this post will get an update.


I don't know what it is, but Blogger must put something in the water. As I was navigating through random blogs on it, I came across this awesome one. Once I finished copying the design to my hard drive for future site updates, I started checking out the comments and visiting the sites of those who commented. That's when I stumbled across this gem of a post on why MySpace is bad. Also, if you like to blog about housecleaning check this out.

Still, I have to say that of the blogs that were in English, many of them were about Christian stuff. Good times! Jesus hearts the intertubes!

Chuckles' Board:



Formula 304: Music Posting

Just to dig that finger a little further into your ear. There are 12 because I am 20% more dedicated than everyone else. I am not a great music reviewer. In fact, I suck at it. I am not teh l4m3 who will natter on about subtleties and shiznit while using words like "infuse", "spare", "timeless", "hint", "choral" and "frothy". Neither am I fulsome who uses words like "wall", "of", "sound", "swelling", "mix" and "amazing". I am not even close to the Uncanny Canadian and his use of words like "mature", "bio" and even "film".

Full Posting.

1: Johnny Cash "Wayfaring Stranger"
2: Johnny Cash "Bonanza"
3: Johnny Cash "I See a Darkness"
4: Johnny Cash "The Wall"
5: Thievery Corporation "From Creation"
6: Paul Van Dyk "My World"
7: The Fiery Furnaces "Wolf Notes"
8: Midlake "Bandits"
9: The New Pornographers "The Laws Have Changes"
10: The Police "Be My Girl/Sally"
11: The Lovemakers "Runaway"
12: Lamb (via The K&D Sessions "Trans Fatty Acid"

Let's see hear. Windows Media Player's shuffle function sucks. I have five Johnny Cash cds on my work computer and it pretty much only plays these songs. I have three Thievery Corporation albums on there as well and it only plays maybe three songs by them, but I have two discs of Paul Van Dyk on my computer and a wide group of those songs are played almost every other selection. The Fiery Furnaces only have one aldum in my digital residence so far, but it gets enough air time that I still enjoy them without getting sick of them. Midlake and The New Pornographers come courtesy of either fluxblog, red blondehead or aurgasm. The Police will never leave my ears. I can say without equivocation that The Police are distinctly unsuitable for kareoke. The Lovemakers are in the same boat as The Fiery Furnaces with one album that I am trying not to wear out. I enjoy them a whole bunch. Lamb is good, but I don't know how much of that is due to Kruder and Dorfmeister. The K&D Sessions is a great double album and everyone should go out and purchase. I'll wait. These guys are from my home town, in a manner of speaking. The manner of speaking that is often referred to as lieing.

One last thing: Remember that Eleanor Friedberger and Lisa Light have been claimed by me in the Great Blogger Music Hottie Divvy-Up. So back the hell off.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

The Gallon Challenge

I went to school in the middle of nowhere Ohio. So I'm pretty familiar with the north-eastern half of the state. And I have to say that I'm not really missing it much (although I do miss checking out the hot Amish ladies in their pimped out buggies. SWEET!).

My girlfriend tries to convince me of its coolness but I don't think I'll ever love the state. I mean, naturally you respect a place where the river caught on fire but besides that, what does it offer? I mean, besides God Hates Cleveland Sports.

Now though, thanks to the Smoking Gun, we can see another reason to avoid Ohio. You can be accosted while walking home through a KFC parking lot with a jug of milk. Who would stage such a daring robbery? Five overweight women "possibly in their 20's" according to the police report. Ah, Toledo, you always know how to surprise me.

You can check out the filed police report here. Just make sure you get to the part about "pelting him with a flurry of chubby fists."

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Eat More Nachos

Ok, this came up in a conversation I was having today, but my username actually isn't an advocation that you should not eat nachos. I love nachos, I think they are a delicious treat.

However, I want to make it clear that I feel that nachos should be enjoyed responsibly. The full username should be, dontEATnachosANDdrive. However, I'm a nachoholic and am unable to enjoy nachos responsibly. It always ends in disaster (or nacho cheese in my friends' cars). So sometimes, people encourage me not to eat nachos (not to eat their nachos perhaps?).

Anyway, I just thought that needed to be clarified. Now to further prove my nacho love, I will post a series of nacho pictures that I will rate and critique on their appearance of deliciousness.

Continue on to nacho porn!

I'd give these nachos a 5 out of 10.

They look moderately appealing but, the lack of cheese and what appears to be chicken just kind of sitting on top, it's hard to really get too invested in them.

I'd have to give these a 6 out of 10.

They look more appealing than the first set, but the fact that they're individually prepared really makes them look more like a time consuming appetizers. Nachos are meant to be more hastily prepared.

I've got to give these guys a 9 out of 10.

They look almost perfect. Ithink the cheese could be a little more melted but besides that, glorioius. Maybe it loses a tenth of a point for the patriotic red, white and blue tortilla chips but the haphazard collection of chips and meat and cheese is so appealing. And the tortilla boat of nacho condiments on the top is a nice touch.

These, I've got to give maybe a 1 out of 10.

I don't even want to eat those. Is that dog food on top? What am I going to do with a whole tomato? And nowhere near enough cheese, plus is that velveeta? I would definitely spend a little time debating whether or not to eat these cafeteria nachos.

Ok, these guys get a retro 7 out of 10.

I know, they're the crazy nacho cheeze in a plastic tray nacho but when you need nachos, this is the kind you're most likely going to find at a sports game or movie theater. And when that nacho crave hits you, these are going to taste 7 out of 10 good.

Dessert Nachos? 8 out of 10.

Click the picture to see the huge version. It looks freaking delicious. I know they aren't technically real nachos but man, I want that dessert STAT!

Homemade nachos 6 out of 10.

They don't look that appealing but they taste delicious. These lose a point or two because of mystery meat/sauce beneath the cheese. The peppers on the side add a nice counterpoint though.

Upscale nachos ... 8 out of 10.

Some places just dont GET nachos. This one clearly has a high vegetable to tortilla ratio. It was about to lose major points for the unmelted cheese on top but if you click the image, you'll see that there is actually a second melted layer of cheese below. You've got to respect the double cheese. It also appears to have chicken. Although meat is not required for nachos. It can help turn an appetizer into a meal.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

An Internal Debate

Hmmm, I'm trying to figure out how to phrase this post because I can't remember who I've actually told about this blog. It's unfortunate when you'd like to complain about somebody behind their back on the internet but you're not sure if they might actually read your blog.

What makes it worse is that I know it's such a good post as well. Oh well, I guess I'll just pass on that now and talk about something similar.

The alternate question of the day: charities. I don't really donate lots to charities. I don't know if that is because I'm really selfish (most likely) or because often I don't really feel like the contributions I make would do that much good. It's not that I don't want to help out but after everything I read about how if you donate, only X percentage of the money actually goes towards the cause and the rest go towards "administrative expenses."

I mean, are these expenses paying jackasses like me who want to make more money? Does it go to advertising or to paying the CEO?

If these all sound like excuses for not giving more money away to charities, I guess they probably are. To me the question becomes though, am I more of a jackass for not wanting to give these faceless (non-profit) corporations my money? It was hard enough to get the little money I have and just giving it away strikes me as illogical.

I guess I could give money (or food or whatever) to local places like homeless shelters and stuff that aren't quite as faceless as NPO's like the Salvation Army (evil!), the Red Cross, or what have you. But even that doesn't strike me as a great way to use what little money I have. These internal debates are going to some day cause my head to explode. And in the meantime, I'll keep feeling like a jerk for not actually giving much to charities.

Perhaps the best solution here is just sticking to being a jackass and talk about the things I'm thinking of buying with the sweet $12 of disposable income that I have for myself. Mmmmm, maybe I'll buy some Chipotle.

Friday, August 04, 2006

A Fanciful Fiesta of Unicorns

I know what you are thinking: There aren't enough unicorns on the site.

And I can see your point. Besides the two on the right there really isn't much else. I would really like to add more unicorns to the site. Unfortunately, I have a horrible feeling it would probably end up something like this.

Yes, you read correctly, that link is to And no, I don't really know the unicorn lady (and I am not the unicorn lady). I do have to admire her love though. So public ... and musical.

I suppose I could go to the other extreme in my unicorn love and maybe do something like I don't really get the feeling that he actually loves unicorns though (plus he misspelled Jenga ... come on, Jinga I mean, WTF?!). It seems like the amazing and magical unicorn is not treated with the reverence and respect it deserves.

Sigh ... I suppose I'll have to settle for some comfort merch from I want this unicorn shirt so bad. Oh, but this Unicorn Touch Lamp is so awesome! It's so hard to choose ...

Scary Picture Frightens Thousands

I was skimming the ridiculous news stories (not the popular photos, which I also enjoy skimming ... but only for the animals, not the attractive ladies that always seem to be popular) on Yahoo! today when I came across this one. Reading it, you'd think there was some sort of crazy pornography that I never knew existed.

Looking at the picture though, it could just be a baby with its mouth on some dude's elbow. Plus, look at some of the choice quotes:
"I was SHOCKED to see a giant breast on the cover of your magazine," one woman from Kansas wrote in reaction to the picture in Babytalk, a free magazine that caters to young mothers. "I was offended and it made my husband very uncomfortable when I left the magazine on the coffee table."
"I had to rip off the cover since I didn't want it laying around the house," she said.
"Gross, I am sick of seeing a baby attached to a boob," the mother of a four-month-old said.
Actually, I guess that last one makes sense. If you were a mother breast feeding your child, would you want to be reminded of how annoying it was by the cover of a magazine.

Still, I love the outrage--OUTRAGE!--that we have about seeing something like that. Even though it's completely, um, natural.

Of course, so is a kid taking a crap and I don't need a picture of that on the cover of the issue about potty training.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

In which I pose a slightly rude question

Videogames. What is up with the loyalty of some millions of people to certain videogames?

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For instance, World of Warcraft: it looks like a cartoon, the max level can be reached in days and is a repetitive game in which you compete with other single people (note that I include the elusive she-gamer in my gender neutralness) to have the best imaginary friend. Ooo, ooo you have a hippogriff for a frigging mount! You must spend hours or days or months collecting gold to get a mount or an epic mount and then all you have to do is buy it. It would be cool if you had to capture and train your own mount and there were 30 some species of mountabletrainable creatures. That is the problem with Blizzard. They get the look down and then half bake the gameplay. I bet those assholes eat their ramen half cooked and then claim that they like it al dente. What the hell ever. I didn't get laid last night either and it doesn't cost me 50 bucks upfront and 15 bucks a month. If the game at least looked cool, I could be talked into trying it out with some friends.

Halo and Halo 2. I haven't played Halo, but it sucked. Wow! Vehicles and guns and shit? Fuck me, Unreal Tournament only did that three years before Halo, so this must be good! I have played Halo 2 and have to say this: who gives a shit? It is just a shooter and not innovative at all. Wow, yeah, so the guns are pretty and stuff. Whoop di doo! Deathmatch mode! AWESOME! That was amazing and new when it was invented TEN YEARS AGO. Fucking a, why is everyone sucking Bungie off for this game?

Brothers in Arms: Earned in Blood by Bungie is at least worthy of some praise. That game was meticulously researched and generally has challenging missions and a slick AI. It lacks destructible terrain but the idea was to recreate the actions of real paratroopers in Normandy, so I will cut it some slack. The tactical first person shooter aspect is cool and the unit AI is also pretty damn good. The real drawback is the protection software is this Starforge or Starforce stuff that does not properly uninstall and trashes your optical drives if you delete it. So that is wonderful.

Will there ever be a game worth buying? Some people have tried to sell me on Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion and some Star Trek game, but without an internet connection this is all academic.

Life(Comics) Imitate The Genius

I need $100,000. In the next day or two, dontEATnachos will be setting up the donation links.

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The other day I heard about the new electric car being sold by Tesla Motors. That link takes you to the premier edition, but would anyone really settle for less? The torque ration itself is bedwettingly awesome. You push the pedal and have instant torque, about 185 lb-ft of it, in fact. Some people (me) don't really care about torque or engines or stuff like that as long as they can come home at night and plug in their car.

I solemnly promise to everyone that donates money to my cause will receive a good thought from me as I imagine poking oil men in the eye every night as I plug in my car.

UPDATEYNESS: A little bit about the movie. THe photos I have will come later, once Blogger stops being a punk.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Chuckles Trips the Wire Fantastic in Acces Hell

Oh lord, won't you get me some residential intertube access, I've been dry since April and I must make amends!

Read on, if you dare!1!!2!3!11!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have followed a few leads to their death in Limbo. Limbo is no longer the domain of those who chould not choose a deity to worship. Under new management, Limbo is now reserved for those poor saps like me who can only knuckle under the demands of the intertube monopolists and the webnet's patron assfucker, Comcast.

I have left messsages with Earthwave(WTF? Are these guys not aware of the glories of the 21st Century called a sales department?) and spoken to a very helpful sales guy at Atlantech(I was on hold for maybe ten seconds). The results of these phone calls have been the same, you are going to be screwed by the horse Comcast rides. I have checked with Verizon for both DSL and FiOS service and neither is available in my "area". I miss MST3K.

I can't pirate a wireless connection from any of the four my computer can locate because the signals are either too weak or too well encrypted. Lead paint, concrete and pot smoke are impeding my computer's ability to break on through to the internets. The pot smoke emanates from the other apartments on my floor and two thirds of the apartments in my building. If I were to get home everyday at 4, I would be stoned by the time I made it to my third floor apartment.

The nice guy at Atlantech suggested the FiOS and also said that, while they mostly handle business customers, they would provide DSL to me after I got a POTS line from Nynex. Their service would run $49.00 plus the $15-18 data only line from Nynex, which sadly puts them over the $60 Comcast mark. Fuck.

Looks like I get to wriggle around the dread, grey space of Limbo until Comcast shows up.

UPDATE: Never mind, fuck those snot faced pukes at Comcast. You can fill out all the information necessary on their website and then they connect you to some service chat asshead who tells you that you aren't in the system. No shit, you dumb moron. I don't currently have service with you assholes and now, I won't in the future either. I guess I am stuck without service.

Maybe I'll just download some hacking software at work and jack into one of the two high strength, encrypted wireless networks in my building.