The [Ninja Turtles] henchmen Bebop and Rocksteady have hijacked the musical genres for us just like the Lone Ranger hijacked the William Tell Overture for our parents.

- xkcd

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Chuckles Trips the Wire Fantastic in Acces Hell

Oh lord, won't you get me some residential intertube access, I've been dry since April and I must make amends!

Read on, if you dare!1!!2!3!11!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have followed a few leads to their death in Limbo. Limbo is no longer the domain of those who chould not choose a deity to worship. Under new management, Limbo is now reserved for those poor saps like me who can only knuckle under the demands of the intertube monopolists and the webnet's patron assfucker, Comcast.

I have left messsages with Earthwave(WTF? Are these guys not aware of the glories of the 21st Century called a sales department?) and spoken to a very helpful sales guy at Atlantech(I was on hold for maybe ten seconds). The results of these phone calls have been the same, you are going to be screwed by the horse Comcast rides. I have checked with Verizon for both DSL and FiOS service and neither is available in my "area". I miss MST3K.

I can't pirate a wireless connection from any of the four my computer can locate because the signals are either too weak or too well encrypted. Lead paint, concrete and pot smoke are impeding my computer's ability to break on through to the internets. The pot smoke emanates from the other apartments on my floor and two thirds of the apartments in my building. If I were to get home everyday at 4, I would be stoned by the time I made it to my third floor apartment.

The nice guy at Atlantech suggested the FiOS and also said that, while they mostly handle business customers, they would provide DSL to me after I got a POTS line from Nynex. Their service would run $49.00 plus the $15-18 data only line from Nynex, which sadly puts them over the $60 Comcast mark. Fuck.

Looks like I get to wriggle around the dread, grey space of Limbo until Comcast shows up.

UPDATE: Never mind, fuck those snot faced pukes at Comcast. You can fill out all the information necessary on their website and then they connect you to some service chat asshead who tells you that you aren't in the system. No shit, you dumb moron. I don't currently have service with you assholes and now, I won't in the future either. I guess I am stuck without service.

Maybe I'll just download some hacking software at work and jack into one of the two high strength, encrypted wireless networks in my building.


At 8/02/2006 7:10 AM, Blogger dontEATnachos said...

Cracking wireless networks is a pain ... I read up on it when I moved into my apartment. A lot of it depends on what wireless card you're trying to use and all that.

That's why I decided to just go with the DSL. It's worth my $20 a month not to have to deal with that hassle.

At 8/02/2006 10:58 AM, Blogger Chuckles said...

DSL = Not Available except at $80 a month.

FiOS = Not Available.

Comcast = Dumbasses.

At 8/06/2006 10:11 PM, Anonymous robola said...

Have you tried burning some incense? It helps to counteract the wifi impedence caused by pot smoke.

...or you could leave hash brownies on the third floor with a note that there'll be more brownies if someone provides their wireless code. Hash brownies are the fruitcake of modern day stoners. It's true.


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