The [Ninja Turtles] henchmen Bebop and Rocksteady have hijacked the musical genres for us just like the Lone Ranger hijacked the William Tell Overture for our parents.

- xkcd

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

In which I pose a slightly rude question

Videogames. What is up with the loyalty of some millions of people to certain videogames?

Full post

For instance, World of Warcraft: it looks like a cartoon, the max level can be reached in days and is a repetitive game in which you compete with other single people (note that I include the elusive she-gamer in my gender neutralness) to have the best imaginary friend. Ooo, ooo you have a hippogriff for a frigging mount! You must spend hours or days or months collecting gold to get a mount or an epic mount and then all you have to do is buy it. It would be cool if you had to capture and train your own mount and there were 30 some species of mountabletrainable creatures. That is the problem with Blizzard. They get the look down and then half bake the gameplay. I bet those assholes eat their ramen half cooked and then claim that they like it al dente. What the hell ever. I didn't get laid last night either and it doesn't cost me 50 bucks upfront and 15 bucks a month. If the game at least looked cool, I could be talked into trying it out with some friends.

Halo and Halo 2. I haven't played Halo, but it sucked. Wow! Vehicles and guns and shit? Fuck me, Unreal Tournament only did that three years before Halo, so this must be good! I have played Halo 2 and have to say this: who gives a shit? It is just a shooter and not innovative at all. Wow, yeah, so the guns are pretty and stuff. Whoop di doo! Deathmatch mode! AWESOME! That was amazing and new when it was invented TEN YEARS AGO. Fucking a, why is everyone sucking Bungie off for this game?

Brothers in Arms: Earned in Blood by Bungie is at least worthy of some praise. That game was meticulously researched and generally has challenging missions and a slick AI. It lacks destructible terrain but the idea was to recreate the actions of real paratroopers in Normandy, so I will cut it some slack. The tactical first person shooter aspect is cool and the unit AI is also pretty damn good. The real drawback is the protection software is this Starforge or Starforce stuff that does not properly uninstall and trashes your optical drives if you delete it. So that is wonderful.

Will there ever be a game worth buying? Some people have tried to sell me on Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion and some Star Trek game, but without an internet connection this is all academic.


At 8/02/2006 2:33 PM, Blogger dontEATnachos said...

Hmmm, someone seems to be abusing the fullpost/toponly styles ...

At 8/02/2006 3:05 PM, Blogger Chuckles said...

Oooaaah yeeeaaaah

At 8/03/2006 2:25 AM, Anonymous Pinko Punko said...

I love Chuckles. cobag.

I'll give you a f***ing plover.

I do love Chuckles, BTW> I'm serious.

At 8/03/2006 7:09 AM, Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

Oh. My. Gawd. Too. Easy. Mus. Stop!

At 8/03/2006 9:02 AM, Blogger Chuckles said...

Is that anything like a bus stop, AG?

At 8/03/2006 10:59 AM, Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

Know it's a ghetto must stop.


At 8/03/2006 5:51 PM, Blogger mdhatter said...

Rag on Blizzard all you like, I agree. But Starcraft: Brood War is still one of the best games ever.

other that that it's Civ, Hearts of Iron, and nethack for me.

(although I do have a soft spot for Sim City and Railroad Tycoon)

Sounds like you like final fantasy.

At 8/04/2006 6:26 AM, Blogger Chuckles said...

I have never played final fantasy and BROOD WAR SUCKED!!1!!1!!1!! 8URN!!1!!1

The unit AI was dummer than a bag of hammers and the computer opponents sucked raw, chapped ass. The only good strategy game was Total Annilhilation. That game was frigging sweet. True 3D on a 2D system, 3rd party unit construction, resources were unlimited and freaking brilliant unit AI. You could build a base and let the game run for days without human input and your units could run sets of tasks and keep the base alive. No other game has come close to matching it.

The planes swooped and flew in real time physics and the sheer variety of units and unlimited resources forced a player to develop strategies and shit like that. There has never been a game like it since and the team was broken up. I doubt there will be one again. Chris Taylor, the lead designer or wevs, has since made Dungeon Seige and Dungeon Seige 2. WHICH SUCK. The only good thing to come out of Dungeon Seige is the movie due out the fall from Uwe Boll.

At 8/04/2006 7:00 AM, Blogger dontEATnachos said...

Hmmm ... at what point does Chuckles 'ironic' use of !!1!1 etc. just become him actually using it?

Right about ... now.

At 8/04/2006 12:55 PM, Blogger Chuckles said...

Uuuummmm, eat it?

At 8/04/2006 8:07 PM, Blogger mdhatter said...

Well, yeah. The AI sucks. But head to head against a housemate is pretty good gaming, same for the original command and conquor.

I've never tried TA, but I'm mostly a mac gamer.

At 8/05/2006 6:16 AM, Blogger fish said...


At 8/07/2006 8:42 AM, Blogger Chuckles said...

Total Annilhilation is still available on the tubenet for MACs. The windows version will run you at least $100 and mayt require an older system, but the Mac version can be found with a little work for around $20-$40 for the base and both expansions. The expansions are totally worth it.

At 8/10/2006 7:20 AM, Blogger Chuckles said...

I will be buying Spore when that comes out. No doubt.

Well, that and the new Dawn of War expansion, but that is because I also play the tabletop game and I can't give enough money to GW.


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