The [Ninja Turtles] henchmen Bebop and Rocksteady have hijacked the musical genres for us just like the Lone Ranger hijacked the William Tell Overture for our parents.

- xkcd

Monday, February 13, 2006

Mr. Vice President, We Stand Behind You ...


In light of this past weekend's events, I'd like to encourage those who have been hiding other various injuries (perhaps an icepick in the neck or a cactus in the face) caused by the Vice President on their property. I understand that you couldn't come forward before, because that would have jeopardized the status of his "undisclosed location(s)."

Due to recent events though, it appears that some people are chastizing us for not coming out with this information earlier. "Boo hoo, it took us 20 hours to release information about the vice president shooting some dude in the face ...," cry those whiny liberals.

I think it's time we show them that Cheney shooting a dude is actually not that strange or noteworthy. This is why no one made a big deal out of it on Saturday. Then maybe for once they would stop their inane complaining.

Those who have helped Cheney hunt "the ultimate game" (like a hobo or something), we stand behind you--unless you're hunting quail ... then we stand behind some sort of bulletproof glass.

11 Comments:

At 2/14/2006 7:07 AM, Blogger Chuckles said...

Holy shit. That is by far the best yet on this whole hilarity.

 
At 2/14/2006 7:21 AM, Blogger teh l4m3 said...

I think the reason more people haven't jumped on this like a bunch of savage hyenas is because it's Dick Frickin' Cheney. There's nothing about his rank, deep-seated, pervasive evil that can be said that wouldn't seem superfluous.

But this is a good start.

 
At 2/14/2006 12:48 PM, Blogger Chuckles said...

I am totally making a t-shirt that has the 'shits landmines and cums napalm' made.

 
At 2/14/2006 2:22 PM, Blogger fulsome said...

Well, he shot me the one time but it was just in the shoulder so it doesn't hardly count. He was just practicing.

 
At 2/14/2006 4:56 PM, Blogger dontEATnachos said...

Yeah, the dart didn't contain enough poison to actually kill you and you've almost regained all the movement in your legs now right? Just 3 hard years of rehab later ...

 
At 2/14/2006 5:42 PM, Blogger Chuckles said...

Not like that poor dude is going to recover, he's 78! How's he going to get chicks with a face like that?

 
At 2/14/2006 6:47 PM, Blogger Adorable Girlfriend said...

I'm not hiding any injuries, but I secretly told my grandmother I hope that Bush is shot before the end of the year and the bullet goes right through him and whacks Cheney too.

 
At 2/14/2006 8:34 PM, Blogger dontEATnachos said...

Hmm, I don't think I wanted this post to actually encourage or condone violence towards our leaders.

Really the main point is that Cheney is badass, and totally stabbed a dude once in my woodshed.

It was awesome.

 
At 2/15/2006 6:47 AM, Blogger Chuckles said...

I heard that Dick Cheney was chopping some logs with his shirt off and these three women completely lost their minds from seeing his sweaty, beefy chest and they were all up on his jock and then their husbands came out and were all like, "Hey asshole, that's my wife!" so Dick Cheney had to go all kung fu on their asses and he killed this one dude with a shiv he whittled while he was killing the others with his left hand. Then Dick Cheney felt all those women's titties.

 
At 2/15/2006 7:13 AM, Blogger dontEATnachos said...

I thought that was Chuck Norris?

 
At 2/15/2006 7:50 AM, Blogger Chuckles said...

Oh something like that.

 

Post a Comment