The [Ninja Turtles] henchmen Bebop and Rocksteady have hijacked the musical genres for us just like the Lone Ranger hijacked the William Tell Overture for our parents.

- xkcd

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Observations From the YMCA

Since about 85-90% of my waking hours are spent at either work or the YMCA, I will yet again post interesting observations about my time at the YMCA.

Holding Hands at the Gym
Are there laws preventing this? Should there be? If so, can I ask the cop I see at the gym (at least I assume he's a cop, he's got a cop mustache and haircut) to arrest the offenders. The latest instance that I've witnessed was a couple that were running on treadmills (not holding hands then) but then when they got off the treadmills and were walking around the track, they were holding hands.

For me, this raises several questions: First, why would you want to hold some other sweaty persons hand, even if you do find them attractive (cause sweaty hands are perhaps the grossest thing ever - EVAR!), secondly, why do you need to hold hands at all when you're 40ish and at the gym? What is the purpose of holding hands? Are they having trouble crossing the street? Do they forget which direction they're supposed to be going? I don't know ... it's just weird.

Thirdly, when I'm trying to run on the track and 2 of the 3 lanes are occupied by people holding hands, it makes it quite annoying. All it takes is one more person to join hands and it will turn into an impromptu game of Red Rover. Something I'm not sure they'll appreciate.

You Should Try Taking HGH
Excerpt of an actual conversation I heard in the locker room:

Person A: "I tried steroids once, they were not a good scene. I use HGH now, it's much better."
Person B: "Really? Isn't HGH illegal?"
Person A: "No, not at all. You can get it at GNC. It's great you should definitely try HGH!"

I don't know if you can get HGH at GNC (for some reason I suspect not) but I don't think you encourage people to take crazy things that will f' up their body. That's just me though.

I distinctly remember this one time a guy I work with came into the office I share with The Clipper and he was asking us if we had ever taken steroids. He was totally considering it and wanted to know if we had an opinion. This from the same guy who bought one of those get-fit-without-trying-because-the electrical-current-will-cause-your-muscles-to-involuntarily-spasm devices. Not only did he try it though, he started talking about having tried it during a little bit of downtime right before a meeting with like 10 people in the room? Choice quote from the whole incident, "You really have to use a lot of the gel on the conductors to feel anything and then it just hurt!"

Ok, I have a few more exciting observations but I don't have the time or inclination to relate them at the moment, you'll just have to wait I guess.


At 2/09/2006 12:19 PM, Blogger fulsome said...

It seems GNC sells HGH precursors so perhaps the guy is buying those. Otherwise, buying actual HGH is a prescription-only injection.

As to the holding hands thing, it is a little weird. If they were doing it on the treadmill I'd mostly be impressed. As it is, I'd probably write it off as moderate codependence, or perhaps they're secretly competing in World's Biggest LosersTM.

At 2/09/2006 12:19 PM, Blogger fulsome said...

And what kind of horrible spam are we going to get bombarded with for this post?

At 2/09/2006 1:24 PM, Blogger Chuckles said...

I was just about to comment on holding hands while on the treadmill, but some asshole beat me to it. The same person has not responded to my ideas about 3Bulls headers.

I like the zoo graphic. Please don't hold hands with the grizzlies while on the treadmill.

At 2/09/2006 5:51 PM, Blogger teh l4m3 said...

" least I assume he's a cop, he's got a cop mustache and haircut..."

He could be an old-skool g4y.

At 2/09/2006 8:57 PM, Blogger Chuckles said...

Like my roommate/landlord/colleague/friend.

At 2/10/2006 12:59 AM, Anonymous Pinko Punko said...

I will cause someone to receive 1 billion dollars if they unilaterally declare a commando Red Rover game on that couple, meaning they don't need no stinking partner.

UNILATERAL RED ROVER! What if someone used that as their defence to give Stick Painey a chop block.

At 2/10/2006 7:11 AM, Blogger Chuckles said...

Every time I see people holding hands and not walking shoulder to shoulder, I figure that they are asking for some asshole (me) to come running right through their arms.

As a corollary, any people I see with their hands in their partner's back pocket deserve an insane beating.

"Red Team, this is Blue, target acquired. Target confirmed. I say again, target confirmed. Roger, weapons free confirmed." And then the unholy smiting shall commence.


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