The [Ninja Turtles] henchmen Bebop and Rocksteady have hijacked the musical genres for us just like the Lone Ranger hijacked the William Tell Overture for our parents.

- xkcd

Monday, November 13, 2006

Ninjas Play Theremins Because Theremins Are SPOOOOOOOOOKY

I was doing some research on the Everlasting War Between Pirates and Ninjas, which is only everlasting because of the unending variety and population of pirates, and I discovered that Ninjas have a particular favorite instrument: The Theremin.


Ninjas are well known for their stealth and hiding abilities, even if they are never seen to be congratulated. Their key weapons are fear and surprise. And shuriken and tantos, too. Ninjas can strike like invisible lightning from any location. There is probably one reading this post over your shoulder and eating a bag of Garlic and Onion potato chips but you can't see, hear or smell him/her because ninjas are that stealthy.

This is female ninja playing the theremin in an undated photo. This photo is out of focus and grainy because the photographer was a ninja too and it is hard to focus a camera when you are so stealthy that light bends around you.

Even though ninjas are of no nation, some ninjas have a long and proud history of service to many worthy nations, but never to any nation that engaged in piracy. Here, a ninja plays a theremin salute to a past leader of the USA:


Ninjas strike when it is most advantageous. The ninjas strikes not only to eliminate a target but also to instill fear and cowardice in the hearts of the enemy. Having a ninja appear from behind your CEO and gut him like a fish can have quite the impact on a Board of Directors that is comtemplating an act of piracy, I can tell you! This pirate thought him safe in front of a crowd of pirate fans, but not even in a sea of his compatriots is a pirate safe from the velvet kiss of death from a ninja.


Sometimes a ninja just needs to relax and just chill out after a long day of flipping out and killing pirates. That is the time when a ninja breaks out his/her theremin and unwinds with a few strains of Bach's Theremin Concerto Number 73 or sometimes even a stirring and spooky rendition of the greatest ninja movie of all time, Forbidden Planet.

13 Comments:

At 11/13/2006 12:05 PM, Blogger dontEATnachos said...

I already won dude. It's over. You had like a week to put up this weak-ass post but couldn't manage it.

Instead I'm just going to focus on making fun of your inability to install a hard drive.

 
At 11/13/2006 12:11 PM, Blogger Chuckles said...

The fuck it's over.

It isn't over until we decide it is!

Did we give up when the pirates burned Pearl Harbor?

NO!

 
At 11/13/2006 12:17 PM, Blogger dontEATnachos said...

We did say it was over. Fulsome and I called it last Friday. You probably had a 12 hour period where you could have posted something then but you wanted to mess around with your disk instead.

That's cool, but when you put your own PC in front of posting a response that's just not acceptable.

 
At 11/13/2006 12:31 PM, Blogger Chuckles said...

I think you are afraid of my MSPaint SKI11Z.

 
At 11/13/2006 1:56 PM, Anonymous Res Publica said...

Where's the keyemin? The Theretar?

 
At 11/14/2006 6:36 AM, Blogger Chuckles said...

The keyemin is a physical impossiblity. First, keys would ruin the point of a theremin (the only instrument you play without touching it). Second, pirates and ninjas could never be in the same vicinity long enough to cooperate on designing a keyemin.

 
At 11/14/2006 8:09 AM, Anonymous Res Publica said...

Meh.

I still think the Theretar has possibility. It's like air guitar, but it actually makes sound.

 
At 11/14/2006 10:32 AM, Blogger mdhatter said...

I wonder what the Vikings play?

 
At 11/14/2006 12:27 PM, Anonymous Res Publica said...

Drum kits fashioned from the skin and bones of their enemies.

 
At 11/14/2006 12:50 PM, Blogger Chuckles said...

I am about 25% viking.

All my beer mugs are made from the skulls of former employers.

I should go to law school and become a corporate lawyers and perform hostile takeovers. I would march into a boardroom with a broadsword strapped to my back. What a visual. Sigh.

Sometimes, I amaze even myself.

 
At 11/14/2006 1:02 PM, Blogger dontEATnachos said...

yes, if only there were some sort of movie that depicted corporations battling like say pirates on a ship.

Until then I guess we'll just have to wish some enterprising comedy group would incorporate that idea into a movie.

::cough::the meaning of life::cough::

 
At 11/14/2006 5:59 PM, Blogger Chuckles said...

Those were cutlasses, artard.

I was clearly involved in a conversation about vikings. Not pirates. No way in hell would I ever be caught dead as a pirate.

 
At 1/04/2007 9:07 PM, Blogger Kunoichi Terminator said...

When a female ninja steps on stage, she would be killed at once by her enemy before she starts any music.

 

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