The [Ninja Turtles] henchmen Bebop and Rocksteady have hijacked the musical genres for us just like the Lone Ranger hijacked the William Tell Overture for our parents.

- xkcd

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Everyday Horror

In honor of the upcoming Halloween holiday I'm going to be posting about scary things you can run into in everyday life. This is part 1 of the series. There is no fixed number of parts and I may not even ever bother to post additional parts. Anyway, onwards!

As I was headed out the door from work the other day I ran across something that shook me to my very core. Something that if there was a loving God, would not exist. That unholy abomination was the package pictured on the left.

After overcoming my first urge to flee in abject terror I began to wonder what this Pandora's box could possibly contain. The possibilities were all pants-wettingly frightening (trust me ... I have the pants to prove it).

A box that size is clearly too large to hold a simple book or coffee mug. So I began to fear that it was a collection of all of his books. Or Perhaps a number of the O'Reilly Factor For Kids books that were going to be handed out to unsuspecting Trick or Treaters this Halloween.

Worse yet, maybe it's a collection of O'Reilly talking dolls ... and they're going to be handed out as people get fired from the company. These parting gifts will be saying things like, "Welcome to the No-Spin Zone" and then somehow cut off your mic as your try to explain why you shouldn't get fired.

To me the worst fear was that it's a life size animatronic bust of Bill O'Reilly's head. With motion sensors in it's eyes, it will be setup so as to pepper you with quotes from the previous day's show that it had downloaded from the central Fox News server every time you walk by.

This truly is an Everyday Horror.


At 10/11/2006 9:01 PM, Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

You need to detonate that thing.

At 10/12/2006 7:49 AM, Blogger dontEATnachos said...

I was strongly inclined to do just that. The next time I walked by though, it was gone.

At 10/12/2006 10:34 AM, Blogger fulsome said...

Anecdotally, the biggest idiot I've had to work with had a Bill O'Reilly sticker displayed in her office.

Also, I once got into a brief discussion about libertarianism with her and said it was not in any way practical. She agreed. I asked her how she could support an idea she admitted wouldn't work. She didn't have an answer to that.

At 10/13/2006 9:52 PM, Blogger mdhatter said...

It might be his soul in there, as he clearly lost track of it at some point.

At 10/14/2006 3:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm thinking urine specimens.

At 10/15/2006 11:26 AM, Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

Urine possible: tee shirts more likely.

At 10/15/2006 1:57 PM, Blogger mdhatter said...

If it were a cooler you could fit a head in it.

At 10/16/2006 2:38 PM, Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

Where is our next scare? Come on, dEn! You gotta cheat work now and again for the peeps.

At 10/18/2006 6:16 AM, Blogger Chuckles said...


O'Lielly coprolites for his chosen fans.


Post a Comment