The [Ninja Turtles] henchmen Bebop and Rocksteady have hijacked the musical genres for us just like the Lone Ranger hijacked the William Tell Overture for our parents.

- xkcd

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Zach Braff Unveils Plot Outlines for Next Five Movies

In a move that has stunned Hollywood and the independent film communities, Zach Braff has released the plot outlines of his next five movies. Braff, generally well regarded as kind of a nice guy, says that this is not a stunt and that he just likes talking about his life and work and stuff. Braff's next movie is untitled as yet, but revolves around a 30ish man stumbling through work and family and trying to figure out what life is all about.

"Really, though, that is what it is all about, man. The question of the meaning of life is just so important to me and I want to share that with others," Braff said in an interview with Staff Reporter Chuckles earlier this week. Braff is currently planning on writing, directing and starring in all five movies and will probably get his pal Peter Sarsgaard to slum it in these movies as well.

The next movie, currently in pre-production, stars Zach Braff as a 35ish man from Rhode Island wondering why he is here on Earth and what his goals are. The following movie is about a 40ish man living in Arizona and trying to ascertain the answers to life's deepest and most troubling questions. The third movie, which is not related to either of the previous and currently in pre-pre-production, stars a 50ish Braff asking pretty much the same things as the other two but with more prescription medication and some children and set in Idaho.

The fourth movie in the non-series details the trials and tribulations of a 60ish man trying to get his children and possibly precocious grandchildren to ask the same questions in their lives that he has been trying to answer throughout his life while living in Missouri. Expect some deep melodrama and Coccoon symbolism as this aging gent realizes that the best things in life are free but you have to work hard to pay the upkeep.

The fifth movie is slightly more vague, but expect something pretty similar but with a slightly older Zach Braff playing the male lead. It is not certian yet if Natalie Portman will costar in any of these projects. Braff would like to stress that these movies are in no way related to each other.

Braff also says that his plans for these movies will not interfere with Scrubs until he has truly replaced Alan Alda as TV's most enduring dramatic comedian doctor.

UPDATE: It appears that I have an ally in the War on Braff.

28 Comments:

At 9/07/2006 4:12 PM, Blogger Reel Fanatic said...

Funny stuff .. what I really wouldnt' mind seeing Braff do is play Fletch, at least now that it apparently won't be Jason Lee

 
At 9/07/2006 6:34 PM, Blogger dontEATnachos said...

yeah, since Kevin Smith isn't attached and Bill Lawrence is, I'd guess that it could be Zach Braff.

 
At 9/07/2006 8:07 PM, Blogger teh l4m3 said...

Funny stuff, chuckwagon. But I do believe it's Sarsgaard...

 
At 9/08/2006 6:39 AM, Blogger Chuckles said...

Oh for the love of Pete Postlethwaite!

What a lame typo.

 
At 9/08/2006 6:51 AM, Blogger Chuckles said...

I could watch Braff as Fletch.

 
At 9/08/2006 7:22 AM, Blogger dontEATnachos said...

I thought it was SAAAAAAAAAAAAARRSGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD (said in a pirate voice)

 
At 9/09/2006 2:18 PM, Blogger fish said...

Braff also says that his plans for these movies will not interfere with Scrubs until he has truly replaced Alan Alda as TV's most enduring dramatic comedian doctor.

And most sensitive...

 
At 9/10/2006 4:35 PM, Blogger myboyfriendiscrazy said...

lol

Looks like he's planned out the rest of his career (and maybe life?)

 
At 9/11/2006 6:51 AM, Blogger Chuckles said...

Yeah, I thought maybe I was touching on a sensitive spot with that one fish, but M*A*S*H* was a good show and could stand a little gentle ribbing.

 
At 9/11/2006 1:48 PM, Blogger dontEATnachos said...

I'm more angry about your extra * in M*A*S*H

 
At 9/11/2006 6:21 PM, Blogger fish said...

I meant Alda has made a career out of being the 70's touchy feely kinda guy. Braff is walking in his shadow.

 
At 9/12/2006 6:43 AM, Blogger Chuckles said...

Fish: Right. Have you seen that movie where he plays a drug dealer or whatever and is Ben Stiller's dad?

dEn: **********************************
**********************************

 
At 9/12/2006 7:49 AM, Blogger Brando said...

LOL, Chuckles, that's pretty funny.

So did you like Garden State? I must confess that I did, and also bought the first couple seasons of Scrubs on DVD.

 
At 9/13/2006 9:22 AM, Blogger Chuckles said...

Garden State was alright but the soundtrack was much better than the movie. And one of my brothers of indeterminate number stole it from me.

Bastards. Scrubs is good enough that I will be renting it on my employee account, but not enough for me to buy it. It is too long. I like British shows that are only a couple seasons long and 6 episodes a season.

 
At 9/13/2006 9:54 AM, Blogger fulsome said...

Yea, I'm still impressed we got a real post. I'll try and get something together this week if I can get life to just settle down for a few hours.

 
At 9/13/2006 2:11 PM, Blogger fulsome said...

OK, let me rephrase that. A real post from Senor Chuckles.

Also, in reference to the content of said post the only thing I think it is lacking is recognition of the whimsical, dreamy nature of said films.

 
At 9/13/2006 7:55 PM, Blogger mdhatter said...

Alan Alda kicks ass.

 
At 9/14/2006 8:59 AM, Blogger pop renaissance said...

i have to look at that god damn guy every fucking day in the bart stations. i hate him now and i've never seen one of his movies.

 
At 9/14/2006 9:37 AM, Blogger Chuckles said...

Who? mdhatter?

I thought he was a student or something in Boston.

I loathe whimsy. I find it loathsome to even type the word whimsical.

 
At 9/14/2006 1:28 PM, Blogger pop renaissance said...

no, that fucking braff guy and his last kiss movie. although maybe i'll start hating mdhatter for fun. a good little blog spat.

 
At 9/14/2006 5:48 PM, Blogger mdhatter said...

bring it on.

although I suspect you would very much like my movies.


p.s. no, i'm not a student, but yes, somewhere near boston. My zipcode (and current weather condition) is on my blog.

 
At 9/15/2006 6:31 AM, Blogger Chuckles said...

I have often wondered just exactly what mdhatter's weather condition is. Is he cloudy with a slight chance of precipitation? Is he damp with a 60% chance of rain? Is he balmy or breezy?

 
At 9/15/2006 7:19 AM, Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

GD! New post, dEn, please!!

P.S. Where is Fulsomecuddle? I miss his sweet little bottom.

 
At 9/15/2006 10:15 AM, Blogger pop renaissance said...

"I miss his sweet little bottom."

schmoopies! where are you schmoopies?!?!

 
At 9/15/2006 11:15 AM, Blogger Chuckles said...

What a snooping little snooper.

 
At 9/15/2006 3:07 PM, Blogger mdhatter said...

I am dry and hot, with a 99% chance of beer.

 
At 9/18/2006 3:41 PM, Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

He was my Schmoopies before he was yours, Pop.

 
At 9/19/2006 7:11 AM, Blogger Chuckles said...

Yeah, but now he is our schmoopies since you hate the boobies.

 

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